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What’s Actually Taped to Our Fridge This Week
Our fridge has more information on it than my calendar app, mostly because nobody in this house checks their phone for anything important. Here’s what’s currently taped up, more or […]
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A Postcard From Somewhere It Isn’t Fall Yet
Dear reader who is also standing in front of an open closet not knowing what to wear — I need to tell you about the ad that stopped me mid-scroll […]
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Your Cold-Front Horoscope: What Every Sign Actually Needs Right Now
The forecast says the first real cold front hits this week, which means it’s time for the only horoscope that matters: the one that tells you what to buy instead […]
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I Refreshed My Tracking Page 40 Times. Here’s What Was Actually Inside.
Order #SN-88213. Placed at 11:47pm on a Tuesday, which is never a good sign. 11:47pm — Checkout. Cart total: $34.60. I did not need any of this. I have plenty […]
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I Diagnosed Myself With a Shopping Problem and the Only Cure Was More Shopping
Patient-reported symptoms: opened a shopping app “just to look,” forty minutes ago. Still looking. History of present illness: Patient reports a recurring nighttime compulsion to check flash-sale sections, particularly ones […]
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This Week’s Denim Forecast: A Sudden and Total Shift Away From Skinny Jeans
YOUR WARDROBE FORECAST — THIS WEEK Current conditions: mild panic. A cold front of “wait, are skinny jeans actually over” moved through the closet six days ago and hasn’t left. […]
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Our Group Chat Tried to Talk Me Out of Buying the Same Sweater Twice
Fall Wardrobe Chaos 🍂 — 6 members Priya · 7:42 PM okay real talk who else has bought the exact same beige sweater three falls in a row Me · […]
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What’s Actually In My Cart Right Now (I’m Not Proud of All of It)
My cart currently has fourteen items in it. Fourteen. I opened it to check on one specific dress and then, in the spirit of full honesty, sat there scrolling through […]
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My Friend Sent Me a Screenshot at 11pm and Now I Own a Tracksuit I Can’t Stop Wearing
11:47pm, from my friend Dani: ok don’t be mad but I need you to look at something 11:47pm, Dani: [screenshot] 11:48pm, me: it’s midnight why are you shopping 11:48pm, Dani: […]
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I Wore a $38 Cardigan and a $340 One All Season. The Winner Wasn’t the One I Expected.
The $38 cardigan is balled up at the bottom of my donation bag right now, wrong side out, one button already missing. The $340 one is folded on the shelf […]