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Transcript: The Only Ad Read I’ve Ever Actually Meant, Recorded at Midnight in a Hoodie
[TRANSCRIPT — recorded 11:58 PM, uploaded raw because my editor already went to bed] 00:00 — Okay. Recording. I’m going to be honest with you before we start: I’m wearing […]
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My Phone’s Notes App Has a List Titled “the cardigan thing.” Here’s Every Entry.
Six weeks of half-finished phone notes leading up to one $340 decision, published exactly as messy as they were written.
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1 Star: Would Not Recommend My Own Impulse Control. 5 Stars: Everything Else.
★★★★★ — the wine-red knit hoodie-and-sweatpants set, CA$65.16 Five stars, no notes, borderline insulting how comfortable it is. I have not worn real pants since it arrived. Whatever this label […]
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Some Assembly Required: Building a Winter Work Wardrobe From One Open Browser Tab
Step 1 — Lay out your parts. You will need: one beige shirt from the “work blouse” pile (8,890 CLP), one V-neck chiffon blouse (12,232 CLP), and a brown jacket […]
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The People vs. My Closet: Closing Arguments in the Case of One More Blazer
THE COURT: We are here to determine whether the defendant, one checked blazer purchased at 38% off, constitutes a reasonable addition to a closet already containing, by count, four other […]
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Lost & Found: My Self-Control, Last Seen Going Off at 2AM During a 50% Off Alarm
ITEM 1 — FOUND: one sense of urgency, running suspiciously hot Located at 1:47am, glowing on my phone screen, triggered by a price-alert notification I apparently set for myself three […]
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Three Things I Almost Returned (and the One I’m Never Sending Back)
Free returns are a dangerous feature for someone like me, because they remove the one thing that used to stop me from buying things I wasn’t sure about: consequences. Here’s […]
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My Closet’s Top 5 This Season, Ranked Like It’s Wrapped Season
It’s that time of year where every app wants to hand you a ranked list of your own behavior, so I did it to my closet before some algorithm could […]
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Minutes From the Emergency Closet Committee Meeting (Attendance: Me, Alone)
MINUTES — Closet Committee, Emergency Session Called to order: 8:14pm, kitchen table, laptop closed, phone very much not closed Attendees: me Absent: any actual decision-making ability 1. Call to order […]
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Recipe: A Cold-Snap Outfit, Serves One, Ready in Under Five Minutes
I don’t do recipes. I don’t do routines, either, if I’m honest, but this is the one system that’s survived three cold snaps in a row without me standing in […]