-
Week One of My Fitness Plan: Zero Workouts Completed, One New Sports Bra Acquired
I wrote this plan on a Sunday night, which is already a warning sign. Sundays make me feel like a person who does burpees. By Tuesday I remember I am […]
-
The Sticky Notes My Roommate and I Left Each Other About One Coat
Note 1 (stuck to the fridge, Tuesday): Hey. Is the brown coat on the drying rack yours? (Coat? Jacket? It’s somewhere in between.) It’s been there four days. Also it’s […]
-
Now Boarding: The Outfit That Almost Didn’t Make the Cart
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are now boarding all rows for the closet reshuffle formerly known as ‘I have nothing to wear to this thing on Saturday.’ Please have your excuses […]
-
The Cardigan and the Grasshopper: A Fable, Loosely Adapted
Once, in a closet not so different from yours, there lived two garments: a diligent gray coat, who spent all of September checking the ten-day forecast and reorganizing her hangers […]
-
LAYERING, (v.): A Dictionary Entry, Heavily Disputed by My Own Closet
LAY·ER·ING /ˈleɪ.ər.ɪŋ/ (verb, gerund) 1. The act of putting on multiple pieces of clothing at once, ostensibly for warmth, actually to avoid ever having to decide on one outfit. “I […]
-
Chat Transcript: Me, Live Support, and the $18 Dress I Definitely Didn’t Need
I told myself I was just asking a question about sizing. This is a lie I tell every single time. Me: hi! quick question about the floral wrap dress in […]
-
Ingredients of a 12-Hour Shift (And the One Thing That Actually Held Up)
SERVING SIZE: one twelve-hour shift, three times a week, plus the on-call weekend nobody warns you about when you take the job. INGREDIENTS: adrenaline, coffee reheated twice in a microwave […]
-
Help Wanted: One T-Shirt Willing to Work Five Days a Week Without Complaining
I run my closet like a hiring manager who’s been burned one too many times. Every new shirt gets an unofficial ninety-day trial before I’ll call it a keeper, and […]
-
The Denim Tarot: Three Cards, One Closet Crisis, No Regrets
I don’t believe in tarot, exactly, but I do believe in doing a reading before every clothing purchase over a certain price, because it buys me thirty seconds to think, […]
-
INT. MY BEDROOM, 11:52 PM — A One-Act Play About a Halloween Costume I Definitely Need
INT. BEDROOM — 11:52 PM ME sits cross-legged on the bed. Seventeen browser tabs open. A half-eaten bag of pretzels within arm’s reach, for reasons that will not be explained. […]