You are about to buy a Halloween outfit. You have a party in five weeks, a budget you have already lied to yourself about, and a browser tab open to DressLily. Read each section, then follow the instructions. There are three endings. Only one of them is sensible.
1.
The homepage loads. There’s a Gothic section, a Halloween section, a row of matching couple outfits you are not emotionally ready for, and a sale zone sorted into price tiers: one for $3.99, one for $6.99, one for $9.99, one for $12.99.
If you go straight to Gothic, turn to 2.
If you go straight to the sale zone because you are a realist, turn to 4.
2.
Skull-and-rose prints on everything. Off-the-shoulder dresses with handkerchief hems. A bell-sleeve one with a lace-up front that you would need to explain at work. You stare at it long enough that the page asks if you’d like to download the app.
If you think “a Victorian mourning look is a personality,” turn to 3.
If you think “I will wear this once and then it will live in a vacuum bag forever,” turn to 4.
3.
You add the bell-sleeve dress. Then a pair of grommet lace-up leggings. Then a lace choker you will absolutely forget to take off before brushing your teeth. You search “1950s vintage dresses” because it’s in the trending tags and you want to see what a sensible person would buy. You do not buy it. You are not a sensible person tonight.
Turn to 5.
4.
The tier system is sneaky in the best way. One plain black top from the $6.99 tier, one skirt from the $9.99 tier, and you’re under $17 for an outfit that works on October 31st and also on a random Tuesday in November when you feel dramatic. Add the grommet-and-chain mini skirt from the Gothic section later if the Tuesday gets really dramatic.
If you stop here, turn to 6.
If you go back and look at the Gothic section “just to compare,” turn to 2. (Everyone turns to 2.)
5. ENDING: The Full Commitment
Your cart looks like a Brontë novel. Before you check out, you remember the site mentioned code APP23 for an extra 25% off in the app, so you move over and try it there. Check it applies at the checkout screen before you celebrate. You arrive at the party as the only person who actually dressed up. People take photos of you. You regret nothing, except the choker.
6. ENDING: The Realist
You check out with two pieces from the sale tiers and collect D-points on the order (they convert at 50 points to $1, which is small but it’s something). You look good. You also look like someone who could leave the party early without guilt. This is a real power.
7. ENDING: The Secret One
You never reached this section by following instructions. You scrolled down. That is exactly how I shop too.
For what it’s worth, I got ending 4, then turned to 2, then ended up at 5. The link I used is this one to DressLily. It’s an affiliate link, which means a small commission for me at no extra cost to you. Prices in those tiers move around, so what you see might differ a bit from what I saw.