[Voice memo, 11:47 PM, 2:03 long, saved as “Untitled 14”]
Okay. Okay, so. I’m recording this because if I don’t say it out loud I’m going to wake up tomorrow and gaslight myself into thinking I was calm about this, and I was not calm.
I opened a boot website. That’s it, that’s the whole crime. I was looking for plain black ankle boots, the boring kind, the kind you buy so you stop wearing the wrong shoes to things. Instead I found a boot with a chain on it. And a little safety pin. On a platform — a real platform, like four inches — and it’s patent, so it’s doing this wet-look shine thing under the product photography, and I have been staring at it for eleven minutes.
[pause, sound of a cabinet closing]
Here’s the thing nobody tells you about turning thirty-whatever: you start dressing like you’re apologizing for existing. Beige. Everything beige. Structured blazers that don’t offend anyone at brunch. I didn’t notice I’d done it until I saw this boot and felt something close to fear, which — that’s not a normal reaction to footwear, and I know that, and I’m saying it into a voice memo at midnight instead of dealing with it like an adult.
Turns out it’s not some mega-conglomerate either — it’s an independent British brand that started in Manchester back in 2016, which somehow makes it worse, because now it’s not “I bought into a trend,” it’s “I found a small brand doing one weird, specific thing extremely well, and I want to reward that.” There’s also a Mary Jane version with a lug sole and a little tassel that I did not need to know about tonight.
Anyway. The chain boots are somewhere around sixty pounds, the platform ones closer to ninety, and there’s a first-order discount if you join their list, which I already did, obviously — we’ve established I have no restraint at midnight.
I’m not going to tell you to buy them. I’m going to tell you that I bought them, and that the beige blazer is going to the back of the closet, and if you want to fall down this specific hole yourself, here’s where I found them — quick disclosure, that’s an affiliate link, I get a small commission if you buy something through it, doesn’t cost you anything extra.
[end of recording]
Delete this in the morning. I will not delete this in the morning.