THE COURT: We are here to determine whether the defendant, one checked blazer purchased at 38% off, constitutes a reasonable addition to a closet already containing, by count, four other blazers.
PROSECUTION: Four, Your Honor. The People note that the new item is beige-and-grey check, and that a nearly identical solid grey blazer already exists on hanger six. We move that this purchase — 16.81€, down from 27.14€ — was made under the influence of a discount, and not under the influence of actual need.
DEFENSE: Objection. Hanger six is solid grey. This is checked. These are, factually, different garments, and the defense would like the record to reflect that current layering trends specifically call for texture variation that hanger six cannot provide on its own.
THE COURT: The Court will allow it.
PROSECUTION: Let the record also show a second item in the same order — a lingerie set, 46% off, 8.90€ down from 16.49€ — filed under “since I was already checking out,” a phrase this Court has heard before and has never once believed.
DEFENSE: The defense does not dispute the second purchase. The defense notes only that free shipping began at 39€, and that reaching it felt, in the moment, like a civic duty.
VERDICT: The blazer is found not guilty, on account of texture. The second item is released on a technicality — free shipping is a compelling argument, and this Court has fallen for it personally, more than once. Sentencing: the blazer gets worn Thursday. The rest of SHEIN’s French site’s current markdowns remain open for further evidence-gathering, entirely at the reader’s own risk.
Court adjourned. (Affiliate link above — small commission for me if you shop through it, doesn’t change your price.)