Official Report of the House of Flat 2, Headingley. Sunday 11 October. Taken down by the Member for the Sofa (me), because I have the laptop and Jo has the remote.
Some background, for anyone who isn’t a member. Every October I wear the same grey hoodie, bought at a service station on the M62 in 2019. There’s a hole by the left cuff that my thumb now lives in. Jo has asked, politely, three autumns running, that it be retired.
This year I agreed. One condition: the replacement goes through the House.
The House is two people and a cat. Mabel holds the office of Madam Deputy Speaker because she sits in the middle of the sofa and nobody has ever successfully moved her.
Order Paper
1. Autumn Wardrobe (Hoodie) Bill, second reading.
2. Amendments.
3. Questions on delivery, returns and whether any of it is real.
4. Division.
Deadline for all business: the clocks go back on Sunday 25 October. After that it’s dark at five and I’m wearing whatever is on the chair.
Second Reading
The Member for the Sofa: I beg to move that the Bill be now read a second time. The Bill concerns the Burberry Ryker Hoodie in grey, currently £280 on The Designer Box. The listed regular price is £520. I checked that twice.
The Member for the Radiator (Jo): £280. For a hoodie.
The Member for the Sofa: £280 for a hoodie I’ll wear four days a week until March. French terry, pale grey melange. The branding is tonal embroidery, at the chest and on the back, so it isn’t shouting. Kangaroo pocket, ribbed cuffs and hem. And the little metal ends on the drawstrings have the logo engraved on them, which is a ridiculous thing to care about. I care about it.
Jo: Will the Member give way?
The Member for the Sofa: Reluctantly.
Jo: Your current hoodie cost twelve pounds and you love it.
The Member for the Sofa: I loved it in 2019. It has since gone a shape best described as “tent.” The Member has said so herself, in this House, on several occasions.
[Madam Deputy Speaker licked a paw.]
Point of Order: Sizes
Jo: On a point of order. What size is the Member?
The Member for the Sofa: Medium. Which is where it gets awkward. When I checked this afternoon, the grey Ryker was showing S, L and XL. Medium and XXL were gone.
So the House had to pick between a hoodie that fits like a wetsuit and one that’s a bit roomy. We went large. It’s going over a T-shirt from now until spring, the ribbed cuffs will stop the sleeves eating my hands, and roomy is the whole point of a hoodie anyway. If your size has gone on a hoodie, I’d make the same call. On a T-shirt I wouldn’t. Which brings us to Jo.
Amendment 1, in the Name of the Member for the Radiator
Jo: I beg to move that the Bill include one T-shirt to go underneath it, on the grounds that the Member’s T-shirts are also from 2019.
Her pick: the Burberry Check Collar T-Shirt in black, £230, down from £420. 100% cotton, small embroidered logo on the left chest, and the collar is done in the check. Under a hoodie, the collar is the only part anyone sees. So that’s exactly where you want the interesting bit.
Then the detail that nearly sank it. The product page calls it a relaxed fit and recommends sizing down two sizes for a regular fit. Two. I’m a medium. That makes me an XS, a size I haven’t bought since I was fourteen.
When I checked, the black was showing XS and M, with S, L and XL gone. So I’m ordering an extra small, on the instructions of the people selling it, with the returns window as my safety net. If you’re a medium and you see M in stock and feel relieved, read that line on the page again. Their medium is big on purpose.
Amendment agreed to without a vote. Madam Deputy Speaker was asleep.
Amendment 2, in My Name: The Polo
Let the record show I tried. The Burberry Eddie Logo Piqué Polo in grey is £195 from £415. That’s the biggest cut of anything we looked at, and every size from S to XXL was in stock. Cotton piqué, an embroidered monogram, a strip of vintage check on the placket.
Jo: It’s October.
The Member for the Sofa: It’s a very good discount.
Jo: It’s October in Leeds.
Amendment withdrawn. To be re-tabled in April.
Two more were killed in committee. The Raised Logo Print T-Shirt is £195 from £275. Sounds fine until you work out that’s under 30% off, while most of the Burberry page sits at roughly half. And the grey Horseferry Print tee (£210 from £440) is perfectly nice, but it’s another T-shirt with a big word on the front, and I own enough of those.
Questions to the Minister for Deliveries
Jo: When does it arrive?
The Member for the Sofa: Hoodie plus T-shirt is £510. UK standard delivery is free on every order, three to five working days, and anything over £200 also gets free DPD next day. Under £200, next day is £5.95. Saturday delivery is £9.95 if you order by 3pm Friday.
Jo: It’s Sunday.
The Member for the Sofa: It’s Sunday. Weekend orders get processed on Monday, so I’m not expecting a knock before Tuesday. That still beats the clocks by a week and a half. Each product page has a countdown with an estimated delivery date for whichever option you pick, which is more reliable than me.
Jo: Is it actually real?
The Member for the Sofa: Their authenticity page says everything is brand new and comes from authorised distributors and wholesale partners they vet. Some brands they carry, like Stone Island and C.P. Company, have Certilogo codes you can check online yourself. They also say straight out that not every brand has a digital code, and Burberry isn’t one of the brands they list for it. So you’re going on their word, their Trustpilot, and the returns policy. I’m fine with that. You might not be, and that’s a fair position.
Urgent Question: What If the XS Is Absurd?
Returns go through their online portal. You have to start one within 14 days of delivery, then you get a further 14 days to actually send it. UK return labels are £5.95 through Royal Mail, dropped at a Post Office or collected. Refund, exchange, or store credit as a gift card that lasts a year.
The catch, and it’s a real one: unused, original packaging, every swing tag still on. They inspect what comes back, and if it’s been worn, washed, or smells of anything, they won’t accept it and will charge you to post it back to you. So the XS gets tried on once, in the bedroom, tags on, before it goes anywhere near the hoodie.
Klarna (pay in 30 days, or in three) and Clearpay (four payments, two weeks apart) are both at checkout if you’d rather not take £510 on the chin in one go. Jo has asked me to note that she said “you could’ve put it on Klarna and never told me.” I’d like to note that this House runs on transparency.
Division
Ayes: the Member for the Sofa.
Noes: the Member for the Radiator, “on principle, not on the hoodie. The hoodie’s nice.”
1–1. Under the rules of this House, a tie goes to the Deputy Speaker. At 8:41pm she walked across the laptop and stood on the Enter key for about four seconds, with the basket open. The House is treating this as an Aye.
Next Business
The 2019 hoodie has been moved to the painting-the-bathroom drawer. It is not leaving the house. I’m not a monster.
If you’ve got your own service-station hoodie to retire, the Burberry pieces on The Designer Box are here. Check your size against what’s actually in stock before you fall for anything, and read that size-down note on the Check Collar tee twice. The rest of the site, including the up-to-75%-off sale on selected pieces, starts on the homepage.
The House is adjourned. Madam Deputy Speaker remains on the sofa.
Disclosure: those are affiliate links. If you buy through them I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Prices, sizes in stock, delivery and returns terms are as I saw them on October 11, 2026. Designer stock moves fast and sizes sell out, so check the product page and your basket before you pay.